Nesting or Hoarding, You Decide - 32 weeks

Interesting thing about me: I am a hoarder.

No, no, no, not like that TV show with people who live with stuff falling on them and mice chewing at their hair at night. See, when I had my daughter seven years ago, my grandmother was very excited. She bought enough clothing for two little girls every chance she got - great stuff - all the best brands.

I kept nearly every single piece of this clothing. No joke. I packed it all away in plastic bins with lids and stuffed it in the loft space above my garage and there it has stayed - seven years of hoarded clothing.

What if I had another daughter? Why would I give away the things my grandmother was so happy to provide?

I had made the decision to get rid of it all about two years ago. I was pregnant with John and sure I wasn't having any more children, so why keep 15 bins of girl clothes? But then my husband broke his ankle and John died and then grandma died. I couldn't let the stuff go.

Perhaps this story is a bit of a lie to myself. At some point I became scared to touch these bins. Who was to know how I would feel about these clothes, what memories they would show, what grief they would kick up? So I simply left that stuff up there.

Last week my Brother In Law climbed the ladder to the loft and dropped down each bin. I went through it all this week - one bin at a time - sorting out what to keep and what to donate, what to give to my best friend's daughter and what goes to the consignment store. Of the 15 bins, I am only keeping ONE bin of clothing - special sweaters, dresses, things like that.

One of the reasons this process is easier than I expected is my photography hobby. I have THOUSANDS of photos of Emily in all her best outfits - often with Grandma in the pictures. Having those photos is just as good as having the actual clothes - better even in a lot of ways. Of course I had a few weepy moments, but overall the purge of the hoard has been very, very good for me. After all that stuff goes where it needs to go, I can start sorting through basement stuff and get that all organized and together - and then maybe my house will be organized and I will feel like I can have this baby with less chaos than I expect.

Because I expect either total disaster or complete chaos. Or both.